Issa New Dawn

Wait… I have what?

September 3, 2019, 4 days after my 34th birthday. They’ve figured it out. They’ve finally figured out what to call what I’m going through. Months of agony, confusion, frustration, and tears. They’ve finally figured it the eff out. It’s Hashimoto’s thyroiditis.

Official definition according to Mayo Clinic: A condition in which your immune system attacks your thyroid. Also known as, an autoimmune disease (AID). An organ specific disease.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional by any means, all information is based on what I’ve found researching medical journals, google, etc. If you are not feeling well or are experiencing medical issues, please get to your doctor or a qualified medical professional.

For months, maybe even much longer than that, I’ve felt like crap… constantly. I’m always so worn out, or my body hurts in ways I can’t even describe. So many days/nights I’ve isolated myself from family and friends because of this. Because the thought of getting up to get ready and drive to meet them to hang out was so exhausting and overwhelming, I couldn’t even deal. There would be mornings that I would wake up and my body ached, and pains would shoot from my shoulder blades to the palm of my hands. There wasn’t enough Tylenol or Ibuprofen that could help me. Trying to explain to my boyfriend, on days that I would stay the night with him, why I’m silent crying in the morning just to roll over… it’s so dang hard and is really embarrassing. Bless his heart, he probably thought I was doing it for attention or cuddles, then. But now, this is as real for him as it is me.

Finally, one morning, I called out of work. I hadn’t done that in the entire year I’ve been there, but this time I had to. Moving was so difficult, I could barely get enough energy to walk downstairs to get water. I called my doctor to schedule an appointment to be seen that day. I remember crying sitting on the couch, curled in a ball because I felt not in control of anything and it was so scary. I remember my boyfriend sat next to me, pulled me into his side and kept kissing my forehead telling me everything will be okay. That he would drive me to the doctor, and we will get this figured out.

Reading up on Hashimoto’s, the symptoms, the treatment, the quality of life… Some of it is really helpful. (Shout out to Pinterest and other personal blogs) Reading some of the horror stories didn’t help my current emotional state. I’ve read how some folks have been living with this for years and are in constant agony with no support or comfort from changing their diet (as suggested), taking their prescribed medications (no matter how many types and doses they’ve tried) or taking supplements to help balance out levels — basically they scared me and I fear for my future now more than ever.

Then again this is now day 2 post diagnosis, so who’s to say what the future holds.

I get it, every story is different. Every person diagnosed is different. But Jesus, why do we have to deal with this in the first place? Where do we even start to deal? Am I going to need therapy for the disease induced depression? Do I have to take meds to help maintain and balance this out? I mean, if so, how many and for how long? What the hell am I supposed to eat now with all these diet restrictions? Tell me I will feel normal again, sooner rather than later? Please.

To date, these questions haven’t been answered. Please believe they will be at my follow up appointment next week with Dr. E. He’s a gem and I know truly wants to help me navigate this.

So what’s next??

Honestly, I’m not sure. I’m just here, existing with Hashimoto’s, trying to live my best life.

Reading blogs and articles, it says you should consider a diet change. For some it may be extreme, for some it may not be. Also consider conversations with your doctor about medications if they are needed, for how long and and how much. Consider ways to gain support, whether that be through a significant other, family, friends or a support group. Find your tribe. The people who will help you on those hard days, however you might need it. But those people who understand what you’re going through, and won’t make you feel bad about it. It’s important.

My personal experiences are still being mapped out. Meaning, I’m not sure how to even begin to change my diet or what things to eliminate specifically, outside of dairy and alcohol (total sad face by the way). But I know I have to start to figure it out in order to begin to attempt to feel better and reduce the occurrence of “flares” (it’s a thing, look it up). The weeks to come will create the template of how the rest of my life will likely be.

Let’s face it, issa new dawn. Times have changed. You have changed. Perhaps, it’s not you per se, but actually, it is & the AID that’s taking over.